Be careful with what you say

It seems once you get married, the famous question gets asked all the time - "When will you have kids?" Before I always had a response for it - "Once I've finished my master's degree, we'll think about it." Well, that time has come and go; I'll be finished with my master's this semester. Plus, we've been TTC (trying to conceive) for over a year now. Seeing as we haven't shared the fact that we're TTC with others yet, I don't know what to say anymore. Do I lie and say that we're not trying and don't have plans to in the near future? Do I say we are trying and have to deal with questions, some possibly too personal? I no longer know what to say, so I don't say anything at all.

So the reason for this post, Adam and I went to a birthday party the other night. It was mostly people who we haven't really seen since our wedding. We got the usual kids questions and tried to play them off. At one point, a party guest picked up his grandson, tapped me on the shoulder, and said "See- this is what you're missing out on." I know he meant nothing by it since he has no idea about the miscarriage or our infertility. But damn did that sting. I know what we're missing out on. I think about it every day- how old our angel baby would be right now, what milestones he/she would be reaching, the smiles that we would be getting right now, etc. I think about it all and I think about it all the time.

I didn't post this to make others feel bad. This person doesn't know that what he said is so hurtful. He doesn't know how badly we're hurting inside and it's because we haven't shared this with others. But that's my point - most people battling infertility don't share their feelings, especially at the beginning when there are still so many uncertainties. Be careful what you say to a young, married couple. A simple, harmless question or comment can be incredibly hurtful. We want to have kids, I want to make Adam a father, my mom a grandmother, my in-laws grandparents. I want to give my sisters and sister-in-law a niece or nephew and my niece and nephew a cousin. I wonder every day what's wrong with my body that we can't have kids. And comments and questions, as well intentioned as they may be hurt - and they hurt badly. So just be careful with what you say. You never know what's going on behind closed doors.