Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year. 85% of couples who have unprotected sex will get pregnant within a year. But for those other 15%, thus begins the journey into the world of infertility.
You hear about it, you hear about someone who battled infertility, but you never imagine that it will be you who will be faced with the journey. Growing up, you hear- unprotected sex= baby. If only it were that easy. Adam and I have begun that journey. It's been 18 months now with no end in sight. Just an endless roller coaster of emotional highs and lows. Your life is lived in two weeks intervals, mixed with hope, faith, excitement, anger, frustration, disappointment, name it and I've felt it. The worst part is that you don't know when the roller coaster ride will end. When you're trying to get pregnant, you seem to suddenly be surrounded by pregnant people. I know of too many pregnant women to count of two hands. You hear of ultra sounds and heartbeats, baby kicks, and setting up the nursery. Conversations are dominated by talk of children and babies. You smile, nod, laugh, but can't add to the conversation, except from the viewpoint of an outsider, someone who doesn't know what its truly like to have kids or experience pregnancy.
Couples battling infertility typically take two routes in terms of sharing and discussing their infertility. Some keep it a secret and don't tell anyone- others tell everyone. We chose to stay quiet for over a year now, pretending that we were planning for babies in the future, not now when asked when we were having kids. I've spent many days and nights crying in bed wondering what was wrong with me and why we weren't pregnant yet. We (well mainly I) have pushed myself away from friends because of it. We thought long and hard about sharing our journey- what if people judge for our choices, what if people have catty remarks about my body's inability to reproduce? Finally, we decided that the support we know our loved ones will give us will outweigh any negatively that may come.
Why would I chose to share such personal information in such a public way? Well, we're about to begin infertility treatments and we decided we wanted the support of our closest friends and family and this is the quickest and easiest way to do so without repeating everything over and over again. The last two are selfish and self-centered (an unfortunate side effect of infertility)- 1. I'm hoping that out there someone else that we know has battled infertility. It helps to know others who are experiencing it or who have overcome it. 2. We need all the thoughts and prayers that we can get as we move into the world of infertility treatments. We trust that those we've chosen to share our infertility battle with will support us through us. We're reaching out and hope that you'll be there to catch us.
Last, I share with you the lyrics from the song "I Would Die for That." It puts into words the emotions of infertility better than I ever could.
Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.
But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.
I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.
Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."
I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
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